The fact that I haven’t written a post in a long six months is definitely a depressing reality. When life takes over, gets crazy and your days are so short that you lose time for your passion, your namaste, you eventually realize the void. That moment for me was today. The day when the corporate world beats you up, your new puppy still hasn’t grasp potty training and you continue to acknowledge that living 30 hours from home just sucks… Pity party over, but honestly… Sorry for my hiatus. I’ve missed you.
Being tied up in my own wedding planning, I like countless other brides-to-be have gotten caught up in the all-shiny, wedding related details. I’m remembering to take my own advice that I’ve given hundreds of brides, “Your wedding is not a performance, it’s a celebration. Something is bound to go wrong, but at the end of the day if you marry the man or woman of your dreams, then everything went perfect.”
Harder said than done.
But realistically those harsh words are truthful words, and more than anything marrying your spouse is the most important moment of the entire day; and with that comes vows.
(You know, the things that actually makes your marriage valid. Yes, those!)
Whether you’re saying traditional vows like your parents and grandparents who proceeded you, or if your bold enough to write your own… remember your vows are powerful words you’re using to make a life-long commitment.
Before you make the decision, talk it over with your soon-to-be spouse. While, I would love to write my own vows (more so, I would love my very non-emotionally-public fiancé to vow his love to me) – It’s not gonna happen! Which is okay. Instead we are opting to recite the same traditional words our own family and friends have said on their big day – which is incredibly special in it’s own traditional light. But seriously, this isn’t invitation paper weight… these are your vows. It gets it’s own conversation.
If you are opting to write you own vows, beyond ample time, you should keep these factors in mind.
1. ASK YOUR OFFICIANT Do this after your conversation as a couple, but prior to starting. This will ensure you aren’t breaking any rules, as well as, saving you a large amount of wasted time if it is forbidden.
2. DO YOUR RESEARCH I’m not saying research already written vows online. While they can be used for inspiration – do your relationship research. Brainstorm things you absolutely want to say on your wedding day, and even things you don’t. You may have to think back through some of the happiest or hardest points in your relationship as a couple.
3. DON’T IGNORE YOUR PASTS Again, totally not saying this is a time to bring skeletons out of the closet! But it is an ample time to remember where you started. The first texts, the first moments, the first “I love you.” Using your past as a stepping stone to your future can be inspiring for your writing, and it gives your guests a glimpse into what’s often a personal moment.
4. DO NOT PROCRASTINATE This is not a college mid-term paper. Your vow is a promise you are to abide by for the rest of your life, FOREVER! So give this part of your planning some extra special thought and time. By not procrastinating you will have plenty of time to research, write, rewrite, practice and then memorize.
5. DON’T GET DISCOURAGED Writers of best-selling novels get writers block. Don’t give up if you have no idea what to write. Ask yourself: what is important to you… what do you bring to a marriage… what are your own faiths… what do you love about your partner… what is love to you… where do you see yourself in 50 years… what is your favorite memory with your partner… What milestones have you celebrated together… what words do you live by… what brings you utter joy…
The answers to these questions should without a doubt help inspire you.
6. UTILIZE MAD LIBS I think I’m kidding… but depending on the couple, it could be an excellent source of inspiration or a extremely fun planning activity. I made my own, but they weren’t nearly as fun as the ones from BRIDES.com
7. BE PREPARED Masterful timing will give you enough time to prepare. This will ensure a less shaky, nervous delivery. Say your vows out loud. Make sure the wording flows, phrases make sense and you aren’t rambling. You can also time it. Long winded and well written is a fine mix, especially if you capture your guests. Long winded and bouncing from one idea to the next is a recipe for disaster.
8. BE REAL Your vows are a representation of you, your love and your commitment. They could very well be funny, sentimental, or a nod to tradition depending on your own personality or relationship; however, no matter what words you write, take them seriously. Vows are statements of commitment.
If you’re opting for traditional vows because you’re emotionally shy or love tradition; elect to write special words to your significant other in a hand written note for him/her to read before walking down the aisle. You can even share these words during you private first look.
Still want a nod to tradition with your extra sparkle – jointly write vows that you’ll both recite. GENIUS!
(Wonder if Devin would opt for this?…)
If you’re not sure if you’re the traditional or write-your-own type a glass of red & to-do list should get you through.
(…and I promise, my next post will not be in September.)