But is that really luck?
Does he have a different option than you do but isn’t sharing it?
I’m grateful to have a man in my life that cares about what I want, who lets me talk freely and keeps me grounded. But, when the time comes, I don’t want him to look back at OUR wedding day and see a reflection of ME. I want him to see a blend of OUR tastes, OUR personalities.
So – how in the heck do I get him to speak up and speak freely?! If I knew, my problem would be solved – but after 7 years I know he will let me take the reins, he will let me call the shots, and he will forever believe that wedding days are about the bride. (I can’t blame him for this, though – How can he not have these beliefs when he dates someone who worked the wedding industry for a living, writes wedding advice, plans wedding and now works in corporate events?! Poor guy.)
Groom encouraged involvement can go a long way, (and honestly I hope in my case it does).
Brides, make your grooms aware that their opinions, thoughts and interest DO matter. A wedding is not solely for a bride – it’s for a couple. Always has been, always will be.
So how do you get him involved?
(Without wanting to kill one another before making it down the aisle!)
1. TALK TO HIM
Tell your groom you want him involved and that his opinions matter. Tell him that you don’t want him getting down on one knee, popping a question and showing up in a tux months later – skipping everything in between. His role of being a groom may be skewed and it’s best to clear that up from the beginning.
He may honestly think this is a “you thing” and he isn’t ALLOWED to be involved.
In my opinion, he should only be left out of dress shopping. No roosters in the hen house!
When talking to him, be sure to speak his language. Your groom may have no idea there is a difference between place cards and escort cards. He also may be clueless to what a hydrangea looks like!
2. RELAX & SUPPORT HIM
Yes, it’s hard and if you’re OCD like me – you are a control freak and have decided delegating is NOT an option, EVER! Well, it’s just time to let go (just a tinsy, winsy bit). Support your groom’s ideas when they are offered, and honestly go with them!
You cannot invite him to contribute and then tell him all of his ideas are crap! That just wouldn’t be very nice. Support and encourage his ideas. Compromise is KEY! If you like an idea – help him bring it to life, and b-i-n-g-o you are starting to look like a team not a team-bride.
3. RESPECT HIM
If something is important to your groom, it should be important to you. This is a major must-know outside wedding planning, but it is just as important when your groom comes up with a suggestion that isn’t in tune with your wedding theme or concept.
If he is dead-set on a massive cookie table or a pimp-cane, just say “okay.” Chances are people will love the cookies and his mom may be the one to say “absolutely not” to his pimp cane idea. Hooray, you’re not the bad guy!
4. MAKE A TO-DO LIST TOGETHER
Typically, men are clueless about what it takes to plan an event, let alone a wedding. If you write out a to-do list, your man just may want to take some of the stress of your shoulders and help you out.
This is a great chance to ask him about things he would WANT to do, and things you REALLY want his help with – like thank yous, which are always better with two writing hands instead of one!
5. FOCUS ON HIM
Everyone has an interest, a talent or even a good-eye for something. Have him take the lead on a project that you know not only he will be good at, but will allow him to create something with passion – something your guests will say “wow” to, and you can proudly say, “[groom’s name here] did that!”
Don’t be afraid to play to one another’s strengths.
If your man is an artist, he can create save-the-dates or the invitation suite. If your man is a graphic designer, your wedsite is going to look amazing! If your man is a carpenter, have him create a card box or centerpieces. If your man likes fashion, have him take the reins when picking his and the groomsmen’s attire. If your man is a musician, he has so many options on how to incorporate his talent into your wedding day. If your man is a math-whiz or accountant, why not hand the budget over to him! Give him his moment to shine.
For example, I stink at picking music that appeals to everyone. However, Devin can play the crap out of a jukebox!! He will most definitely pick our wedding playlist – or beer, I’m allergic – he’s a craft beer lover. We will most definitely have his favorites at the bar!
6. DATE HIM
When planning a wedding with or without your man’s opinions – it is vital to have non-planning days. You don’t want your wedding to consume your every being for your entire engagement. Be sure to have off-nights where you enjoy one another’s company. Get out of the house, out of routine and then dive back into planning the following day.
Don’t hijack the planning or your wedding. Your groom may surprise you. Not only let him in on the planning, encourage collaboration. You may see a talent he’s held within or he may come up with an idea you and your guests love. You may realize he has a new found interest in linen colors or what’s behind the bar. Remember your wedding day is about both of you, and your celebration should reflect that.
However, if your groom declines and is “un-engaged” in the planning process, still make the celebration about both of you! Don’t overwhelm him with wedding “crap,” but still be sure to incorporate something into your day that screams “him.” Make your man proud when he shows up, on time, in his tux ready to say “I do.” If you’re planning alone don’t take it personally, just be sure to know what are must haves and what are absolutely nots.
Best of luck to you planning with your groom’s help! If all else fails, a glass of red & to-do list should get you through.
All photos from Caroline Ghetes